TFLN 2

(+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
(407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
(801): so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
(215): you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
(925): Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
(301): We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
(570): does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
(252): Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
(847): so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
(720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
(740): Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does